The Golden F

by

Nathan Martinson


Fredrick Frank Fritz worked for Toothpaste Plus. He lost his job due to the company's failing publicity. He began searching for another job, but couldn't find any. One day he decided to rob someone's house. He successfully robbed the house without any difficulty. He decided that since he couldn't get a job, he would become a robber.

Fredrick Frank Fritz is a distinguished looking person. He has a long nose and a thin face. He has black hair that he always keeps well-combed. No one ever suspects him of being a criminal.

So successful is Fredrick at being a robber that he resides in a fancy mansion. The mansion has eight bedrooms. It's located in a rundown part of town and it ominously sits on top of a hill.

After stealing from houses for two years, Fredrick decided to rob something bigger. One day, as he was walking down the street, he saw a billboard advertising the Museum of Pointless but Valuable Stuff. He decided to go the museum to see what it had on display. Curiously, he walked into the museum and started looking at the items. A painting of two squares caught his eye. One square was orange and the other was purple. The painting had a value of $150,000 dollars. "That's ridiculous," thought Fredrick. "It's only a painting with two squares!" He hid until the museum closed. He took the painting and snuck out of the building avoiding the burly security guard.

A month later he tried the same thing. This time purloining a diamond telephone and the world's largest door knob. When he stole the telephone and door knob he saw an advertisement for a new exhibit with every single letter made out of gold.


When he stole the telephone and door knob he saw an advertisement for a new exhibit with every single letter made out of gold.


Fredrick soon came up with a plan. Two months later he returned to the museum and carefully cut through the glass of the museum with his glass cutter and snuck inside. Okay, thought Fredrick, I need to get to the west end of the museum. He made it to the west end, climbed to the second floor, and reached the exhibit, keeping out of sight from the guards. He quickly opened the door with a key he stole from the museum's owner, Noggin Fahrenheit, when he first stole the painting. He dashed into the room. The Golden F was right in it's place with all the other letters. Fredrick grabbed the F and dashed out of the exhibit. "This museum should have better security for such valuables." Just then Fredrick dropped the F. When he picked it up he noticed a dent in it and underneath was just metal that was painted gold.


Suddenly Fredrick was surrounded by guards. He turned around and saw the museum's owner Noggin Fahrenheit.

"Woohoo! Oh yeah! I've captured you at last!" Noggin exclaimed. "Now I believe this is mine." And with that he took the phony F from Fredrick.

"It's a fake!" Fredrick exclaimed.

"I know," Noggin answered, "everything in this museum is. That's how I make my money."

"Aw-man so you mean all that cool stuff I stole is fake, too?" Fredrick whined.

"Yup, I make everything out of cheap materials such as plastic, glass, toothpaste, et cetera. Then I bring them here, paint them, mold them, dye them and then people pay me to see them!"

"Wow, you're a genius!" Fredrick said amazed.

"I know aren't I?" Noggin answered proudly.

Suddenly a voice rang out from the crowd "Sir, the police are here!"

"What!?" Noggin screamed, "Who called them to come barging over here!?"

"I did sir," another voice called out. "What else would we do with him?"

All of the sudden a burly police officer stepped up too Fredrick and said "Is this the one?"

"No, don't arrest me!" Fredrick pleaded. "I'm not a robber. I took this F because it's a fake. Everything here is and I needed evidence to prove it!" Fredrick turned to Noggin. "He's been cheating people out of there money! He's the bad guy!"

"Cool, I didn't expect this," the officer said as he turned to Noggin. "Well, Mister, I guess this means you're under arres..." before the officer could finish, Noggin bolted. But before he could reach the door, the officer shot him with his taser.

After that, Fredrick gave up his life of crime. He received a reward from the police and with the money he started his own shell shop. Later he found out that Noggin was actually a man by the name of Joe Roth. That made a lot more sense to Fredrick. He had always thought Noggin Fahrenheit was an odd name.


LPH Writing Class stories 2013-2014