Hawaiian Detour


Christy Winn

Vanessa Greybeck is 13 year old 8th grader who homeschools. She has beautiful jet black hair. Her room is lime green, blue, and pink and the bed set is cream colored. She lives in a red brick three story mansion in San Diego, California. Her mom and dad are billionaires. Out of all the billionaires in California, they are the richest. Most of Vanessa's friends think her family would be selfish. That is a total lie. Their family gives to the poor, donates food, and most importantly; they give money at the collection in Mass.

She is the youngest of five brothers: Cody, 20, Zack, 19, Jason, 17, Max, 16, and by ten minutes her twin brother Dillon. Dillon and Vanessa get along very well. They tease each other often. Dillon, like Vanessa, has jet black hair. His hair is down to the end of his ear lobes. His mom nags him to get cut to a more suitable "man" cut. He refuses because he believes that he has "swag", meaning that he thinks that he is "all that" or "cool". He does hip hop, football, basketball, and he takes an art class with Vanessa. He loves to do community service projects, help at the local St. Vincent de Paul store and food pantry with his family. He loves Jesus and his family and is he not afraid to show it.

The first floor of the house has a family room, dining room, kitchen, and a movie/game room that is always stocked with snacks. The second floor has a prayer room, mini kitchen, home office, master suite and master bath. The third floor has the class room, mini kitchen, and each of the kids' rooms. Each of the kids' rooms has a laptop, TV, and its own bathroom.

Dillon is jumping on her bed and Max is leaning against the green wall. As Vanessa falls, Dillon gasps and Max gets up and says rather harshly to Dillon; "Dude, you are going to get into so much trouble!"

Just after Max got done talking, Jason comes running into the room out of breath. Vanessa wakes up and looks shocked that she is on the floor. After Jason gets done helping her up, she knows how she got there. "Dillon Michael Greybeck! I cannot believe you did this! Oh! Happy birthday, Max!" She hugs him and he hugs her back.

Jason, remembering why he came in the room, says; "Ah, guys, we have to go to Wal-Mart to get the supplies to go to Great Uncle Stan's place in Honolulu. We will do it after we sing Max happy birthday in the kitchen. One more thing, Mom found out how long the trip is."

"Wow! She must think 2560 miles by boat is a long trip. It's really not!"Max says as he is laughing.

They just get down to the kitchen when everyone else starts singing happy birthday. With all smiles, Max cut the cake and serves it with chocolate ice cream.

Mr. Greybeck says "Congrats Max! How does it feel to be 17?"

"It feels good, Dad. Jason, can you believe that you will be 18 tomorrow?" Says Max.

"Nope, I can't. Mom, after Max gets done opening presents, can we get the supplies?" says Jason.

"Yes, after you do that, clean the Californian."

The Californian is a beautiful ship docked in San Diego, California. This ship is white on the top half and red on the hull. Four black tires are on each side so that when bangs against the dock, it will not damage the ship. It has four windows in the front where the captain can have full view while he steers. On each side it has two windows which are for the small cabins. A door on the side is an entrance to the rooms. Near the back it has the tallest poles for masts that anyone has ever seen. The masts are for decoration because the vessel has an engine. If the engine were to fail, then the sails could be raised. On the front of the ship it has an orange anchor resting on a large white perch.

Max starts opening the presents and Cody says to Mr. Greybeck that he is extra excited about going to Honolulu to see his girlfriend, Katelyn, a good Catholic girl.

They go to Wal-Mart and clean the Californian at the private dock, Pier 32.

As they pull into their drive way at 6:30, Dillon says to Vanessa, "I just remembered that we have karate practice at 7:00! Go in the mud room and get our bags."

As Vanessa is running out the car door she says, "OK!"

After she comes back into the car, Zack and Max drive them to the dojo.

Vanessa, at the karate dojo with Dillon, says, "OH MY GOSH! WHERE IS CODY!? HE TEXTED AND SAID THAT HE WOULD BE HERE IN FIVE MINUTES!"

"Essa," Essa is what her family sometimes calls her, "He'll be here. OK, just please tell me that you will relax." says Dillon.

Cody, walking in says, "Sorry about the wait, Jason just got his driver's license."

"Well, that's great! Let's talk about it in the car!" says Vanessa.

Dillon, seeing that Cody looks confused, says, "Yeah, sorry, she's tired and dehydrated."

"It's a good thing that we have a Big Gulp icy from Speed Way waiting for her." says Cody.

A Big Gulp is what the Greybeck's call a 32 once drink.

They drive home, park the car in one of the seven garages, and open the front door.


There was an ear splitting shriek, and everyone covered their ears.

Max, walking in the room with his hands over his ears, yells, "YEAH, SORRY! ZACK IS LEARNING HOW TO PLAY THE TUBA TO IMPRESS A GIRL!"

All of a sudden, the sound stops. Zack stubbles into the room saying, "Little help here!"

They run toward him and get the giant instrument off of their brother.

Dillon, laughing, says, "Dude, if you wanna impress a girl, you gotta try better than that!"

Zack, looking angry, says, "OK, I know that you that you think that you have swag and all. But, I don't need a 13 year old helping me, a 19 year old, get a girl."

Swag means, "all that" or "cool".

"Hey! Hey! Hey! What's going on in here!?" says Mr. Greybeck as he walks in the room.

"Dillon is trying to tell Zack how to impress a girl." says Vanessa.

"Dillon, please don't educate your brother! And, Zack, do not talk mean to your brother." says Mr. Greybeck.

All of a sudden, Dillon cracks up laughing.

"Dillon, I will not have that behavior. Go to your room!" says Mrs. Greybeck, who is walking in the room.

Dillon, trying to get out of being punished, says, "But."

"Please, no 'Buts.' Just go to your room, get changed, and pack for the trip. And, I want all of you to do the same." says Mrs. Greybeck.

They climb the three flights of stairs, they do not speak.

As Vanessa was packing her massive, lime green, expensive suitcase, she heard something tapping on her window.

"What the heck is that tapping noise? Can't I just pack my bag in peace?" Vanessa is thinking.

Just as she finished pulling back the curtain, she realizes who is making the tapping.

"Yo! Zack! That annoying Justin kid is waiting for you outside!" Vanessa yells.

"Yes! Thank you Essa!" Zack yells back.


The next day they wake up at 4:30 in the morning. Again everyone walks down the stairs without speaking.

Everyone grabs bread and puts it in the toaster.

Vanessa is thinking: "Dillon, please hand me the Nutella."

"OK, here you go." Dillon thinks as he passes her the Nutella.

"Oh no, they're doing it again!" exclaims Cody.

"DOING WHAT!?" ask Dillon and Vanessa at the same time.

Max says, "We all know that you Twinkies can read each other's minds."

"Ha, ha. That. Mom, shouldn't we get into the. Uh, car?" stutters Vanessa.

"Yes, we should." says Mrs. Greybeck as she looks at the stove clock. As she feels Vanessa's forehead she asks, "Honey, are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just a little tired, that's all." says Vanessa as she is yawning.

They drive to the dock. Get out all of the gear, and Mr. and Mrs. Greybeck help them load it on the Californian.

Max, coming off the ship, asks his mother, "Mom, are you crying?"

Drying off her tears with the back of her wrist she replies, "Yes, I'm just sad to see you all leave."

They exchange hugs and kisses with their parents. Cody leads his five younger siblings up the ramp, and on to the Californian's deck. With one last goodbye Jason turns the boat around, and they set sail.

"Wow! I cannot believe that we have been on this boat for two whole weeks!" exclaims Dillon as his hair blows in the salty breeze.

They are 1560 miles into the trip.

"What's that!?" asks Zack

"It looks like the formation of a hurricane!" yells Vanessa as she reads for a weather information book. The book says that one can tell by the formation of the clouds.

Everyone stares at one another, and starts to scream. About 20 seconds later the ship crashed on a beautiful island with seagulls flying and palm trees swaying in the breeze.

"Aw man, I think we're lost." thinks Dillon

"You think?! I KNOW we're lost! Let's just make sure everyone else is OK. Then start exploring the island." thinks Vanessa

"Well sure, if you want to do it the boring way." says Dillon out loud.

Without taking any notice, Vanessa begins to look for her four brothers. She finds them looking at the ship with their mouths wide open.

"Hey, what are you guys," says Vanessa, without finishing her sentence

There was no reason for any of them to answerer because to her horror she saw that the wreck has destroyed over half of the Californian.

Cody, taking charge, says, "Let's move all of the supplies off of the boat, and start looking around this, Port of the Gulls." He decides to call it this due to all the seagulls.

Without speaking, everyone begins to explore the wreck. After what seems like hours, the shore is lined up with supplies everyone lies down on the cool sand.

"Can we please just build a tent, and sleep?" questions Max.

"No, we need to find out where we are." replies Vanessa as she pulls out her universal GPS. "Wait, a second, there is no island 1,000 miles from Honolulu!"

"WHAT?!" yells everyone as Vanessa shows them the GPS.

Zack, sounding proper, says, "Let's just spit up into groups of two's and start exploring. Cody goes with me, Jason goes with Max. And then that leaves the Twinkies together."

All of the groups separate, and begin the journey around the small island.

"OK, is it just me, or is that a building right in front of us?" asks Vanessa

"Where?" questions Dillon

"Right in front of us."

"Whoa! I know this place! This is The Samurai Ninja, where only the best ninjas of the world train!"

"WHAT?! Do you know what this means? We are trespassing top secret property!" exclaims Vanessa

At that moment, people dressed in all black fly out the camouflage building's doors.

"Well, I knew our skills would come in use some day, just not this soon!" yells Dillon.

They both begin to advanced karate at a rapid speed. Ninjas were coming out in massive numbers. Even so the young amateurs finished them off one by one.

Right as they finish their victory the older siblings come running.

"Yo, what happened?" asks Zack

"We'll explain later. Let's just build a raft and get out of here!" yells Vanessa as she and Dillon begin to run.

They all follow the twins to the shore.

Once everyone arrives, Dillon and Vanessa explain what they had experienced. They do not give time for the four other Graybeck's to comment.

"Come on! We need to build a raft so we can get out of this creepy place!" says Dillon

This time they all stick together. They grab sticks, palm leaves, and wood from the rebel of the ship. They tie down the supplies with rope from the ship. Max makes a sail out of light weight rags.

As they set sail Zack calls out, "So long Creepy Port of the Gulls!"

They continue sailing with the help of Vanessa's GPS. After an hour Jason starts pacing up and down the raft. Dillon starts to get annoyed because his nap is interrupted.

"Yo! Dude, can you stop pacing? You are ruining my swagalicious rest!" yells Dillon.

"Well, I don't care about your 'swagalicious rest!'" angrily replies Jason.

Cody, seeing where this is going, lets Zack drive the ship. "Hey! Hey! Hey! You two need to stop arguing! Jason, go sit down one side of the raft. Dillon go to the other. And think about what you said to Jason," says Cody.

The brothers obey Cody. The eldest Greybeck talks to his brother separately. Once he is done, Jason and Dillon apologize to each other.

Dillon sits down beside Vanessa saying, "I just want to get to Great Uncle Stan's house. Do we have anything to eat?"

"I know, me too. Haha! Yes we do!" replies Vanessa.

Once seeing the food, everyone wants some. After Cody eats, he lets Zack take a break from the wheel. Soon the siblings are laughing uncontrollably as they bring up random, funny memories.

All of sudden Cody yells, "LAND HO!"

"When we are this close to land; it's not 'LAND HO!' It's; 'LAND HI!'" replies Max.

Everyone gets into the crystal, cold Hawaiian water to push the raft to their great uncle's property. Once they walk in Great Uncle Stan's den soaking wet, the dog licks up the dripping water.

Great Uncle Stan walks the room with Mr. and Mrs. Greybeck. When Mrs. Greybeck sees her children she runs to get towels.

Once they dry off, Max, Dillon, and Vanessa explain their adventure. For a couple nobody says anything. Cody, all of sudden walks out of the room call someone on the room.

He comes back in saying, "I'm going to the park to see Katelyn, my girlfriend."

"OK honey, be back by supper." says Mrs. Greybeck

After an hour Cody comes back with a beautiful brown headed girl. Looking very happy he says to his family, "Everyone, I'd like you to meet my fiancée, Katelyn."

"Yes! I have a sister! Cody, where in the world did you keep the ring?" says the enthusiastic Vanessa.

"Haha. I kept it in my pocket the whole time," replies Cody.

Everyone starts talking to the newly engaged couple. Mrs. Greybeck serves a delicious meal of a Hawaiian cuisine. Katelyn feels right at home with the Greybeck's. Vanessa gets extra excited when Katelyn asks her to be the maid of honor.

After the meal, Mr. Greybeck hands an envelope to Jason. His eyes get large when he reads he has been chosen to receive a full scholarship to Stanford University. Jason announces this to everyone and they congratulate him. The Greybeck celebration has just begun.

LPH Writing Class stories 2012-2013